• Ash Smithies

Let them see you

The need for meaningful connections is one that finds it's way into all of our hearts.

We long for those conversations that light up something inside of us. We crave a space where we feel safe enough to be our full self, quirks and all. Subconsciously we seek love from others to keep our insides warm and fuzzy and to confirm that we are enough. But what happens when we struggle to make these connections? Does it mean there is something wrong with us?

Absolutely not.

I have struggled to create close friendships and relationships for most of my life. I got along just fine with all the friends that I've had. I never got bullied or felt excluded from groups. I had no problems dating or finding really genuine and loving partners. However, I always craved deeper connections. It's for this very reason that I've felt a bit lost and unfulfilled in some of my friendships and romantic relationships in previous years.

My catalyst for change was last year when I went through a really traumatic break-up. Usually, when I end a relationship my pattern in my mid 20's would be: I binge drink every weekend and cover up my hurt by seeking male attention at clubs to prove that I'm still 'enough'.

But I knew that this old way wasn't going to satisfy my intense longing for a deep, vulnerable, and soul-fueled connection.

So, I made a choice. A choice that felt right for me at that moment. I was going to consciously remain single and get to know myself on this deeper level first. I chose to date myself. I didn't drink to ease the pain. I didn't go on dating apps or find 'distractions'. I sat with the heartbreak and called on my closest friends to help me through it. I started exploring myself. What did I actually like doing? Which music was for my ears? Which books did I get lost reading? What activities lit up my soul? What did it look like when I showed up in the world as the fullest expression of me?

I took the time to nurture myself. I journaled to work through my feelings. I used the tapping technique daily to help defuse self-judgement and shame. I worked with a coach to understand my subconscious mind. I took myself out to dinners while planning holidays on my laptop. I went to see movies on my own in charming old 1920's cinemas. I became the queen of my own inner kingdom. I stopped giving other people the power to make me feel in love, and I created the love for myself.

I became wild about myself.

Not in an egotistical way, but in a way where I knew myself on a deeper more intimate level. This has opened me up to the most beautiful heartfelt connections. I'm letting people see parts of me which I never knew existed before, and in turn, they are sharing deeper parts of themselves.

So what are you waiting for, let them see you ✨